you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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