The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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