The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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