i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
