So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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