I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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