someone threw a dead crab at me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
