I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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