Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
