PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
