Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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