Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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