I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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