I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
