okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
