I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
