I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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