Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
