BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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