I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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