Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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