I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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