The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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