he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
