We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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