You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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