You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
