I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
