Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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