she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We got so high we made milksteak
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
