I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
