porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
