talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
