oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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