He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
