We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
