Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
