Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
