I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
