I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
