I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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