I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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