I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My ATM looks so different sober.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
