I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
