I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
