im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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