i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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