I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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