wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
