Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
