did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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