BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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